bluejaysong:

I admire those that are capable of standing in front of tens, hundreds, thousands of people and recite words of their own with so much passion. How they are able to pull the audience into listening with the tone of their voice and for some, the unshed tears they must blink back in an attempt to remain composed. They pour so much of themselves into the spoken word, so much anger, so much happiness, so much confusion and frustration, so much personal history. I only wish that one day I can push myself up on that stage in front of those tens, hundreds, thousands of people and recite my own words with just as much passion and myself as those that I watch. 

This is my first time buying and trying rice pudding. Wow guise, it actually has and tastes like rice.. I’m not sure what else I was expecting..

You know.. I swear to you, one day you all will watch me step by step crawl out of this tidy rabbit hole. On that same day you all will watch me shine.

CXIII.

Your back. I can remember it perfectly as if it was a scene in a picture book. Your spine always slightly slumped when you sit or even when you stand with that blue book bag strapped against you. Always wearing a T-shirt or hoodie with different pairs of kicks. You were always a little more defined than others in a crowd. I could see, your every move you made, you were holding something back or scanning the room for someone. The way that you tilt your head slightly to get a glimpse of what or who was behind you. I can remember all of it so clearly.

Day after day I only continuously observe you. But because usually I cannot even look you in the eye I remember your back the best. Every time you are walking away or facing the opposite direction I catch myself peering at you. I can neither stand in front of you nor face you without quickly looking away. I’ve always wondered how long this would go on for. When will the day I can talk to you with ease come? When will the day that I can possibly put my arms around you as buddies? Maybe we could play basketball together or text each other quite often. But what is the use of considering so many great possibilities if I cannot even stand in front of you? What is the use if everyday I know I’ve failed when I watch you walk away day after day? What is the use..

Click.

It has been a while since the last time I enjoyed myself　so much. Well, I’m pretty exhausted now. My legs and feet are aching and I’m quite sticky from all the sweat. I am going to go take a shower and perhaps later on write about my day. Truly a day I’d like to remember.

Finals are coming up in two weeks! I am debating whether I should go off on a hiatus once again.

Work to do today:

• Water Potential Lab
• Study three packets of global regents
• Read Their Eyes Were Watching God to chap. 15 and quotes
• Math Review Packets
• Spanish Worksheet
• Spanish Subjunctive Quiz
• Forensics End of Year Project due Monday

Don’t mind me. Just listing so I don’t forget.

trollinmoomoo:

●●●●○Response.

Confession. I remember the time you laughed easily and told me you were afraid that I’d take him away. But I knew you were insecure. Though I knew I wouldn’t. Even if i ever fell in love with someone you were with, I’d never do that to a friend owo. Unless we were both fighting fairly for the same person. But I don’t think we’d fall for the same person. Although we are similar, we don’t always have the same tastes. So I have no worries. You were stupid and insecure. But I understand why you’d be. You’re a girl in love. Go figure. We are more than alike. We not opposites, but we would be halves of the same side on a coin. We share similar interests. And even though I can claim to be your best friend, I don’t know you as well as you think. I know your worries, I know your personality, I know YOU. But I don’t know what you like, or what you hate to eat. I don’t know so many things, how can I claim to be your best friend?

I always feel like I owe you in that sense. That I’m not close enough to you, but I guess, it’s all good. You know, the funny thing is. I didn’t really have that many insecurities about people choosing you over me. But you have good parts also. Even if I have a brighter personality, or am smarter and can do more things, you’ve been the prettier one. I wish I could pull off some clothes that you can, though most of the time I don’t mind. I wish I could be stupid sometimes, and not know what the world has to give me. I wish I could be less sarcastic and less stubborn.

But it’s me. What can I do. I’m already use to what the world has to give, how the people judge, and my self-defenses automatically go up. It is you and the few that get close, that can see me for who I am. Who do not tell me ‘Truthfully emily, I used to like you, but I was already in a negative place, and your negativity at the time didn’t help.’ Or something along the lines. You see me for me. You see through this wall that I put up, and you understand most of the time.

For me, you were everything. I don’t remember how you were when we first met you, but I know I accepted you immediately. Though you might remember we were meh at first since, that fat man was our teacher and we couldn’t really talk until we could sneakily do it. Did everyone love me? How come I don’t remember this? LOLOL. Maybe they did. But now, you’ve become someone who opens up to people. Someone who’s more outgoing. Someone people like. Maybe you’ve taken these things from me, but at least you’ve changed. Even though I’ve always hated when people copy me, you’re one of the exceptions.

I don’t know why you would feel like you owe me. And you aren’t. You’re one of the worst friends ever. But we can always talk to each other like we were talking to each other 10 seconds ago. Even if we were silent on each other, it wouldn’t be like when he was silent on you, and how you got pissed at him. With me, we’d just be like ‘meh’ XD and do our own thing. But the silence with the other there was comforting. But even if Christina and I become really close friends, the tie between us won’t change. You and I will still be you and I, but there may be more people, and there may be less. But we’ll stay the same.

Her reply to my confession. Meet my closest friend.

Random fact: I use to think “LoL” was “Legend of the Leagues” instead of “League of Legends”

Confession. There was a time that I had wronged you. I was insecure and stupid. There was a time where I was scared to lose him, the man I cherished most. I remember that night I video chatted with the both of you and later that night I told the both of you separately that I was scared that you’d take him away. Reason being that we were quite alike. But I always put you ahead of me. Someone with an even brighter personality, more enhanced brain and much more ability. If we were ever compared or people had to choose, I was convinced they would choose you over me. I’m not sure why I thought this at the time but I did. Compared to me, I was nothing and you were everything. Parents loved you, children loved you, rather, practically everyone loved you. I mean, why wouldn’t they? After all, you are one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met in my life and definitely one of the most important.

I guess that is part of the reason I was happy that you met Christina. Perhaps even became a bit close to her. It’s almost as if you gave me a second chance. I was also quite glad because I know I’m not the greatest friend there is. I often stroll around on my own, leaving the both of you behind. Actually, leaving the whole world behind. I neglect to talk to the both of you sometimes and I am just simply awful at keeping up with my texts at times, not to mention how awfully early my curfew is.

When the two of you showed up on the same screen I knew, part of me was hoping that the two of you would get along spectacularly. Perhaps, create a bond even deeper with each other than with me. So that maybe when I’m not there to talk or comfort either of you, that you both may have each other. But of course, this is probably just a way of letting myself think my way out of the guilt of not being able to be there for the two people I adore most.